The Blog Page

August 12th, 2026

Hey everyone, I guess I'm doing better this week than the last couple but its still a struggle. I'm sure my poems this week speak to my mindset recently more than a post trying to explcitly spell them out, but a strange pessimisstic malaise just creeps over me sometimes. Its like a weight thats constantly accumulating until your spine breaks under the pressure, and every moment is spent waiting for that moment, the catharsis of being right about your spine breaking in due time. Maybe its dramatic to frame a mood like that, but the feeling is that powerful; the feeling is ubiquitous and binds every faculty. Grass is less green, the birds sing off-key, and there's a blockage in the fountain of creativity that requires drilling to break through. I think its peculiar how difficult it is to convey that, that an omnipresence can defy our languange and understanding. Hopefully these poems and this blog can help me and all of us defy it.
Birdie

August 4th, 2026

I feel really disorganized currently. I've tried a few times to write this post and this stream of conciousness is the best representation of where I've been:

It took almost an entire month for me to miss my self-imposed weekly deadline and have nothing to really show for it, but I'm sure it would be so much less fun to do this and have to stick to a quota like a ghostwriter. I've still been writing, but frankly its like waking up after a one night stand to find you've compromised your standards to a horrific level. I could claim I was busy but I had plenty of free time and it was spent playing Monster Hunter Wilds and modded Minecraft. I gotta savor it before classes start in 3 weeks. It looks like I was able to get the financial aid sorted out so I'm going to be going back to school for the second time, though the first in spirit. I need to stop catastrophizing moments like that, its so easy for me to get wrapped up in emotions and just radiate that energy instead of appreciating the moment. Maybe those insecure pickup artists with their copies of Aurelius' Meditations are on to something with that one.

More words soon,
Birdie

July 26th, 2026

This may end up being slightly longer than the previous posts, I have a couple of things I'd like to touch on, getting more personal as we go along. There are a couple points that could probably be "Words" posts, but I think that should be where my more edited and thoughtful posts end up. I don't really want it to be inundated with random posts about recurring dreams or w/e unless I can find a more interesting way to frame it. I guess starting with the site itself, I've grown to find it particularly ugly. There's a certain amateurish charm to it, but I'd like something that would draw people in on first glance whereas the current layout requires you to fight through it to get to what I really care about, i.e, the posts. I don't even know where to begin on trying to design the site to communicate what it and I are about, all the time spent appreciating and critiquing art and these are the aesthetic standards I'm presenting. In the abstract, I suppose I'd want some sort of harmony of natural beauty and technology, a way to communicate the human aspects of art with the medium I use to convey to anyone reading. That was the idea behind the windmills in the header, at least, I think it was; that decision wasn't made with any mindfulness at the time. I've never been good at cultivating that sort of fashionable thinking.

Continue Reading...

July 19th, 2026

I finally finished my first long essay and posted it, which despite being entirely a passion project with no set deadline, feels like a weight off my shoulders. Its the first piece of long, structured, nonfiction I've written since I was in college and dropped out, so I hope it came out as well as I think it did. I had so much fun researching and writing it, to the point its convinced me that returning to school is something I not only can do, but should do. I;m sure at some point I'll feel more comfortable recounting my life story here, but at the time I dropped out I felt like college was simply the means to an end. I wasn't ready for education in the sense I felt it meaningless in pursuing more money. Now I find so much of that process rewarding its becoming a hobby outside of any curriculum. I am still working on my short story, I've finally found a structure that I think elevates it, as well as another long essay, this one focused on a single franchise as it evolved to the modern day. I'd also like to post more short poetry, so as It strikes me expect that as well. If you've read all this, thank you so much.
With all the John Lennon hippie love I can muster,
Birdie

July 10, 2026

I'd been struggling on where to put a dev log or general blog about what im up to. I don't want it to mix too much with my more structured writing so I figured here would be a good place to start. I wanted somewhere I could post random writing that wasn't one of the mainstream hellholes on the internet. I don't exactly have the money to host myself at the moment so this seemed like a wonderful place to do it. I'm working on a couple essays, one regarding the classics and canon, and one I hope becomes an example for the kind of video game review I'd like to see and post more of. I also have a short story im working through that is proving challenging, so we'll see how long it takes to get that out. If you're reading this and excited at the prospect of more from me, I couldn't be happier. I'd like to create an open line between myself and anyone reading in the future so I can improve my writing, so if you know how to do that reach out.
Thanks for reading,
Birdie